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| Don't be THIS guy! |
We waited by the front door for our ride; a team of moped drivers, who would arrive shortly and begin to negotiate our fare. There were four of us. None were small, especially in comparison to our drivers. While five, or even six, Cambodian's might be simultaneously transported on a single moped, the though of carting one of us was enough to cause the drivers concern. Upon their arrival we traded money and saddled up for the ride to the temple complex.
Half way there, it started to rain. It felt wonderful, but I noticed the driver shivering. A few moments later, we were on the side of the road, taking shelter with a few hundred friends under a large tree.
"Semper Gumby." said the leader of our crew.
"Excuse me?" I replied.
"Always flexible. It's the key to life in this country." He smiled and sat down to wait out the squall. He was right. Flexibility was the key to survival in Southeast Asia. It's about the same when parenting.
"Why did you stop at three?" people ask of my brood. Most often they are the naive ones. The "new" parents. The ones with a single simple little baby. We wanted to have more than three when we were on their end of the journey as well. Then our kids started crawling and standing and seeing if they could fit through the cat door when we weren't looking. Pretty soon, three seemed like two too many. But, by the third kid, we picked up some pointers and tricks. We found the flexibility we needed to survive.
Concerns like, "I wonder if that will give them a belly ache," were replaced with more pertinent queries: "Will it kill 'em?" Time consuming chores like pig-tails and hair bows gave way to short bowl-style haircuts and hats...lots of hats. Bedtimes became suggestions and sleeping quarters became negotiable. Breakfast for dinner? Why not? A second helping of dessert? As long as I can sit on the toilet in peace.
All joking aside: Flexibility is the key to effective parenting. There are three areas of your life that you should loosen up on right now if you want to succeed in raising children.
Dress code
Newsflash: Your kids fashion sense is less important than their comfort and necessity to explore. If your kids are spending more time preparing to go out than being out, it's time to loosen the reins. If you're kids cloths can't get dirty, toss them and put on something that can. Except for weddings, funerals, and court proceedings no child should wear a neck-tie, a bonnet, or anything white.For the advanced: let your kids dress themselves. Sure you might want to remind them that underwear is actually a requirement, but toss out the idea of a perfect little fashion doll and let the kids explore their personal tastes. If you're worried about how they look too much, consider why you feel that way. Are you worried that people are going to question them or that people are going to question you. If you're concerned about the latter, you're on the wrong blog. Thanks for stopping by.
I promise you this: at some point, they WILL care what they look like and by then you'll wonder why you spent so much money on clothes when they were little. You'll wish you had invested more back then so the interest would help cover the $180 sneakers they "need." (No, I'm NOT kidding.) By letting go a little and allowing them to explore their own style, they are building useful skills that will serve them later in life. People who were dressed by Mom everyday, find themselves in deep weeds when they finally strike out on their own.
Sports
I know this one is hard for some Dads, but your son/daughter does not need two-a-days when they are four. They don't need to know the stats of every player verbatim by six. They don't even need to play sports to succeed. At the risk of heresy, sports are not a requirement for life. Sure, kids need to move and play, but climbing a tree or chasing the dog can be just as effective. If your kids doesn't love soccer, why make him play?Not all kids are into sports, and most probably shouldn't be in as many as they are. Your job as a parent is not to get your kids schedule to require project management software and a team of support staff. Your job is to engage their minds and bodies so they grow into healthy and well-adjust adults. School, homework, sports, bed, repeat is not a healthy lifestyle. Also, please stop using the excuse that playing on three different teams is a means to a college education. They're more likely to get injured than get a full-ride to an Ivy League school. Why not let them enjoy life before they have bills and jobs and kids of their own to ruin?
Imagination
Parents that can't hang through a discussion on the best way to capture a unicorn need to adjust their priorities. Kids imagine. It's what they do. It's what they should do. Go ruin a co-workers dreams if you need to but for goodness sake, let your kids believe in faeries or Santa for a while. Play along, you might find that you enjoy it.Go ahead, give them the cold hard facts about death when their goldfish dies, but let them draw pictures of heaven afterward. We have plenty of time to be sterile and cynical when we're grown, but childish imagination is important. It helps kids develop elastic brains that can stretch around the problems that their cynical parents and grandparents caused. It helps them to make sense of things you and I can't understand. Let go of the facts for a minute. Facts aren't really that important. Facts change.
Don't believe me? Have you noticed that the Earth is not flat? Yeah, that was a fact at one point. Guess what; it took someone with an imagination to prove the truth differently.
Conclusion
Semper Gumby. Always flexible. It's something to strive for.Eventually the rain stopped and we got back on the mopeds. We drove all the way to Angkor Wat. Walking through the temple complex, I noticed something that has stuck with me since then. There was a temple, consumed by the roots of a banyan tree. The rigid walls of the building broken and shattered by the flexible. Rigidity is fragile. Flexibility is strength.
